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Champions, I know we’re currently going through a lot with the fuel price so high, many of us are even driving in reverse hoping it will put some back in the tank. But South African sport has given us five massive reasons to smile this week, and here they are!
1. Marco Jansen is officially the best in the world. Twice.
The latest ICC rankings have Marco Jansen at No. 1 among Test bowlers and Test all-rounders. At the same time. He’s basically a whole cricket team on his own.
He got there at St George’s Park in Gqeberha, my hometown and my favourite stadium. He walked in with South Africa on 110 for 6 and made 85, sharing a 132-run stand with Temba Bavuma. Then he picked up the ball and took 5 for 33 as Australia were bowled out for 99.
He passed Mitchell Starc on the bowling list and Ravindra Jadeja, who had been the best all-rounder for four years, on the other. He’s the first South African to top the Test all-rounder rankings since Vernon Philander in 2014. Jansen is around two metres tall. He was always going to end up at the top of something.
2. Thomas van Tonder just did 600 monkey bars under a bridge
Thomas van Tonder is literally the best person in the world at hanging around. In fact, he’s also the only person in the world who enjoys being left hanging.
On Monday, the obstacle course racing world champion crossed 600 suspended monkey bars beneath Bloukrans Bridge in Tsitsikamma, Africa’s highest bridge. He did it 216 metres above the river, along more than 280 metres of steel. It took him 47 minutes and 37 seconds.
Think about that for a second. Nearly 48 minutes of holding your entire body weight, one hand at a time, with nothing but air underneath you. He went in carrying elbow tendonitis and a sore shoulder. By the middle, he admitted, he doubted he’d make it. Near the end his hands “did not want to close anymore”, so he pulled himself along with his wrists. That isn’t only a strong body. That’s a mind that refuses to let go.
It’s not even his first time defying gravity. In 2020 he set a Guinness World Record climbing a rope between the Soweto Towers. Someone once told Thomas van Tonder to get a grip. Champions, he has never let it go.
3. Tristan Roberts is the world’s best bodyboarder (again)
On Monday, Tristan Roberts from Onrus near Hermanus was crowned World Bodyboarding Champion for the third time, after 2019 and 2022. He sealed it at El Frontón in Gran Canaria, a reef he first discovered when he was 12.
He only needed to paddle out for his first heat to clinch it mathematically. He won the heat anyway, because Champions don’t do the minimum. His mom flew over as a surprise and saw him win a world title in person for the first time, and two childhood friends carried him out of the water on their shoulders. I’m not crying, you’re crying. Into a bodyboard.
4. Our under-15s are scoring for fun in Azerbaijan
The first-ever FIFA U-15 Boys World Cup in Baku has a clever format. Group winners play for the world title, runners-up go into Tier B to play for 33rd to 64th, and so on down. Nobody gets knocked out. Lose, and you simply drop into a lower placement bracket and keep playing.
Our boys finished second in a group with Estonia and France, so they went into Tier B, and they’ve been treating the goals like a buffet. They beat Anguilla 13-1. Thirteen. That’s a cricket score. They beat the Maldives 8-0, beat France 3-2 and beat Malaysia 6-2, with Camden Schaper scoring four of the six. They lost a tight one 2-1 to Portugal, then bounced straight back this morning to beat the UAE 5-1.
That’s 36 goals in eight games, Champions.
5. Hamish Lovemore is a world champion
Last Friday, Durban’s very own Hamish Lovemore won gold in the senior men’s short course at the Canoe Marathon World Championships in Gualeguaychú, Argentina. It’s his first world title after eight international silver medals in three years. Eight. That’s like being the best man at eight weddings and then finally getting married and having one of your own!
He saved it for the final sprint, passing pre-race favourite Fernando Pimenta of Portugal and Denmark’s Mads Pedersen. Afterwards he said: “I am just so, so happy.” Same, Hamish. Same.
So my beautiful Champions, forget about the fuel price for a second and just enjoy being South African. As I always say, “Being South African is a flex” and above you’ll find five reasons why. In fact, by the time you read this, there’ll be even more reasons! Over and above all the other things we’re the best in the world at like rugby, sevens rugby, test match cricket, currently, we’re also the best in the world at bowling, being a test match all-rounder, bodyboarding, paddling and hanging off bridges. Not bad for one week.
I love you. 5-nils.
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