The best clubs in west London

Opened in the last few months, this weekend-only dancing spot is modelled on the chic dive bars commonly found in hipster HQ (aka Williamsburg, NYC). It’s already upped the area’s cool quotient with appearances from house king Seth Troxler and a residency from swoonsome actor-cum-DJ Idris Elba. Expect some bassbin-bothering beats from Mike Skinner, the artist formerly known as The Streets, when he takes to the decks this Friday. Looking ahead, May sees the launch of Vice Motel – a night of tongue-in-cheek ’90s nostalgia featuring a DJ set from Sophie Ellis Bextor and even some Tamagotchi-inspired cocktails you can nurse like the egg-shaped computer pets.

It may be located below the home of Chelsea FC, but don’t expect a ‘Footballer’s Wives’ crowd at Ritual – a new flagship disco-house night held monthly at this surprisingly awesome venue. After launching in February, Ritual has been giving Fulham a much-needed injection of street cred, thanks to DJs such as disco ace Greg Wilson and the booty workin’ Hervé. Ample booths line the room, but the focus is squarely on the dancefloor – which is illuminated by a gently trippy LED screen behind the DJs. Head down this Saturday for London house legends X-Press 2, Norse disco ace Prins Thomas and a vibe that’s made in Chelsea but thankfully lacking any Caggies or Binkys.

Don’t write off this unusual hybrid of a boozer, a restaurant and a decadent dance space just because its name stems from a poem by GK Chesterton. As well as being a quirky pub downstairs, this nine-syllabled nightspot does a roaring trade in classy beats upstairs. Look out for Heartbeat – a monthly session which prides itself on being west London’s only disco night. Damon Martin from DJ crew Disco Bloodbath is in charge for the next one this Friday, while in May, 6 Music’s Huey Morgan throws a bash with local legend Don Letts. Paradise’s proximity to Notting Hill means it rocks on Carnival weekend too – with big names like DJ Zinc tearing it to smithereens last year.

Any venue with a DJ in charge gets a big thumbs-up from us. Former Cream resident Seb Fontaine is the creative director of this vast new space located directly under the Westway. The white walls and swathes of palm trees surrounding the dancefloor give off strong Balearic vibes, which work in tandem with the venue’s house-focused bookings. Recent guests include Tiefschwarz and fellow hntz-hntz cadets Zombie Soundsystem – both making generous use of the Funktion-One sound system installed. Float your boat? Then head down on the May bank holiday, as Underworld’s Darren Emerson leads the charge at the twelfth anniversary of Fontaine’s Type parties.