If you’ve strolled past Logan Arcade sometime in the past week, you’ve probably been swept up by a sea of strobing lights and the sound of Danzig’s unmistakable yawp billowing onto Fullerton Avenue. Peering through the bar’s window, you’ll catch gaggles of smiling pinball wizards head banging and waving their glasses to the hacksaw rhythm of “Skulls” by the Misfits. Occupying the stage is not a formidable cover band—or even human beings. Drawing a sizable crowd to Logan Arcade night after night is the Biscuits, an animatronic dog band that’s been popping up at Logan Arcade since 2018.
Every year, sometime between their late-summer slot at Riot Fest and Halloween, the Biscuits reappear on a modest stage nestled between rows of manically blinking pinball machines, turning the retro bar into what can only be described as “Chuck E. Cheese for drunk punks.” All are welcome to enjoy the Biscuits’ rousing five-song catalog for no cover charge, but there is a catch: No one—not even Zespy, Logan Arcade proprietor and caretaker of the Biscuits—can say how long their triumphant return will last. Only a handful of times has the band reappeared outside of their spooky season residency.
“It was my dream to have a band,” Zespy says, voicing a sentiment familiar to any diehard music fan. While most folks would attempt to actualize their rock & roll dreams by stapling “drummer wanted” flyers on telephone poles or turning friends into bandmates, Zespy took a decidedly different approach: Acquire a fleet of animatronic dogs, reprogram them to sing Misfits songs on a disintegration loop and take the world by storm. You know, the next best thing.
Almost a decade ago, Zespy—an avid collector of robots, tchotchkes and all manner of vintage game ephemera, most of which lines the walls of Logan Arcade—found the score of a lifetime: an original edition of the Beagles, the animatronic canine quartet that once soundtracked Chuck E. Cheese dining rooms with Beatles songs throughout the 1980s. Upon hauling the band home on a trailer, Zespy’s son—a then-five-year-old with a burgeoning Misfits obsession—requested that his father build him a personal version of “the skull band,” referring to band’s iconic “Crimson Ghost” logo.
Zespy went on to recruit a robotics dream team to bring his son’s vision to life. Fellow animatronics lover Dave Vondle took leave from his design job during summer 2018 to reanimate the Beagles into a pup punk outfit. From completely rewriting the robots’ programming to designing the band’s logo, Vondle’s handiwork was integral to the realization of the Biscuits. Vondle then enlisted Lex Huckabay to give the Beagles head-to-tail makeovers, outfitting them in skeleton shirts and leather vests and styling their matted fur in jet black coifs remaining faithful to the Danzig-era Misfits aesthetic. To complete the transformation, the Beagles were anointed with new, band-appropriate names: Glenn Dogzig, Doyle Von Frankenbone, Jerry Bonely and, aptly, Robo.
“If there’s one thing that is true, we commit to the bit to the detriment of all else,” Zespy says with a laugh.
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The Biscuits made their world premiere at Logan Arcade on October 26, 2018, as a Halloween surprise, playing a five-song set from a meager stage stationed a few feet away from the bar’s entrance. Since then, the Biscuits has amassed a fanatical following—the band has its own merch and has performed at Riot Fest for the past three years. According to Zespy, out-of-towners have flocked to the festival exclusively to catch a set from the four-legged shredders.
Further doubling down on the bit, this year Nathan Lilley, director of operations at Logan Arcade, recruited a Danzig impersonator to record a dog-themed riff on “Where Eagles Dare,” the frayed Misfits banger. Titled “Where Beagles Dare,” the Lilley and Vondol–penned cover has quickly become one of the Biscuits’ flagship songs. Last week, the Biscuits made their return to the stage where it all started, where they play roughly every hour, depending on the room’s turnover and the mental fortitude of the bar staff.
“As you can imagine, it’s hard for the bartenders to hear the same 10 songs every time they work,” Zespy chuckles. “Biscuits is kinda like the McRib—we bring them out for a couple months, people get it and then we take them away for a little while.”
Zespy’s love for animatronics is one that has defined his life as a self-proclaimed “science fair nerd” with an all-consuming passion for robotics. From being awed by Rock-afire Explosion—an animatronic band that once dazzled diners at Showbiz Pizza Place—as a child in Fargo, ND, to learning about Walt Disney’s original animatronics experiments, Zespy has long been enchanted by the willing suspension of disbelief that retro animatronics demands of its viewers: an inimitable combination of fun, sincerity and magic.
That sense of childlike glee is what’s kept the Biscuits thriving—and constantly evolving. The Biscuits have nothing if not range: Zespy has supplanted two other bands onto their furry architecture. In 2022, the Biscuits was temporarily rebranded to the Rush cover act Ruff, with founding Rush band members Alex Lifeson and Geddy Lee admitting that “Ruff is an amazing bark and roll band,” according to Zespy. A year later, the band was reimagined as the Fur Fighters to celebrate a Foo Fighters pinball game. Will there be a Stone Temple Puppies or Duran Dog-an residency on the horizon? Zespy and the Biscuits brigade, ever the adventurers, are open to possibilities…
How long will the Biscuits’ valiant return last? Zespy insists that it’s a decision that will be made by feel. That said, he is open to the possibility of a cross-town tour, with a stop at Logan Arcade’s sister location, Elston Electric, under consideration. Regardless of the band’s upcoming travel plans, the Biscuits will soon enjoy a well-deserved break from the spotlight. “Maybe we’ll put them on Cameo and people can talk to them,” Zespy jokes.
Ultimately, Zespy is chuffed by the reception of his pet project. “We’re always over here on Fullerton and Western doing weird stuff all the time,” he says. “After seven years of having [Biscuits] out and about, it’s validating that people see it’s amazing. Thank you for making it worthwhile for us to spend money doing silly things.”
Biscuits gigs are free to attend and held daily on a rolling schedule at Logan Arcade.